Daily Interdimensional Diary:25 October 2008:Part Eight (Section 12)
Daily Interdimensional Diary: 25 October 2008
God of Man: The Physical: Part Eight (Section 12)
Continuing with the Written Words of an Experience and the practical examples of how to assist and support self to see the insights/understandings/realisations within the self forgiveness applied, to assist and support self effectively within the process of self corrective application.
4.
Written Words of Experience:
During this, she manifests her authority over and of me, by her claiming she’s right and Im wrong, which makes me feel like I’m stupid, nothing that I’m always wrong and she’s always right, no matter what.
Self Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience my mother as authority over and of me when I experience her going into attack towards me in a conflicting/confrontational event/situation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid and like nothing when I experience within me her establishing her authority by her claiming she’s right and I’m wrong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself towards my mother in a conflicting/confrontational as me as always wrong and her as always right.
Insight/Understanding/Realisation:
Questions:
What is my experience towards my mother as her manifesting her authority revealing about what I am accepting and allowing within myself?
What is my experience within myself as being nothing/stupid because of me experiencing my mother as her claiming that she’s right and I’m wrong no matter what revealing about what I am accepting and allowing within myself?
Question 1:
What is my experience towards my mother as her manifesting her authority revealing about what I am accepting and allowing within myself?
1. Common Sense: If I’m experiencing her that’s standing before me, outside of me as authority, this reflects that I am experiencing myself as the polarity opposite of what I experience towards her as authority, which is: Inferiority.
2. With me reacting to my experience towards my mother as her manifesting her authority, this would indicate that I take the exact same stance of manifesting my authority towards others in my world. The reaction towards my mothers authoritative-stance confirms this, as I am reacting towards myself as what Ive defined myself as, which my mother is reflecting of myself.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize that within my experiencing my mother as an authoritative-manifestation as a being that stands outside separate from me, I am revealing/showing myself, that such a projection as authority towards another reveals that I am accepting and allowing me to exist as inferiority.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to and as inferiority, creating the perception/belief/assumption that others are superior / authoritative.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that within me reacting towards my experience within myself as my mother manifesting her authority over and of me, that this reaction within me indicates that I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as a manifestation of authority towards others in my world.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize that in reacting towards the experience within myself as my mother manifesting her authority over and of me that this reaction reveals that my mother is reflecting a part of me that I havent allowed myself to see, because Ive defined myself as that which my mother is reflecting of me as authority.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the manifested expression of authority over and of others that my mother in an conflicting/confrontational situation/experience with her reflected towards me of myself.
Question 2:
What is my experience within myself when my mother claims that I am nothing/stupid while shes right and Im wrong no matter what, revealing about what I am accepting and allowing within myself?
3. Right and Wrong indicates polarity me manifesting the superiority as authority I experience my mother to be, through me accepting and allowing myself to exist in inferiority towards her, which manifests the polarity-experience of her claiming shes right and that Im wrong, validating my inferior experience to her authority manifestation.
4. Me experiencing myself as nothing and stupid also originating from me experiencing myself as inferior towards my mother whom I experience as superior / the authority.
5. Therefore, within the shes right and Im wrong experience, I claim my mothers assertion through her authoritative-stance along with me experiencing myself as stupid and nothing all derivatives of the inferiority Im accepting and allowing myself to exist as and attempting to justify this existence of inferiority that I am through manifesting such thoughts/ideas/beliefs within me wanting to make it all her fault, instead of me checking me first.
6. Therefore, the shes right and Im wrong experience I claim my mother is claiming through her authoritative-stance along with me experiencing myself as stupid and nothing = isnt real, Im deliberately making it real as an attempt for me not to see the inferiority Ive accepted and allowed myself to be as well as the authority I manifest towards others which my mother is reflecting of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the polarity of right and wrong.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize that the manifestation of the experience within myself of my mother claiming that shes right and that Im wrong when I experience within me, her manifesting her authority over and of me, actually originates from my accepted and allowed definition of me as inferior/inferiority.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that I am accepting and allowing myself to validate my inferior/inferiority self-definition and experience towards my mother through me existing within the belief/assumption/perception that shes claiming shes right and Im wrong when I experience within me that shes manifesting her authority over and of me.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that my experience of me as being nothing and stupid originates from my accepted and allowed self-definition as inferior/inferiority and experience of myself as inferior/inferiority towards my mother whom I experience as superiority/authority over and of me.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that the shes right and Im wrong experience I claim my mothers claiming through her authoritative-stance along with me experiencing myself as stupid and nothing are all derivatives of the inferiority Im accepting and allowing myself to exist as.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that I am attempting to justify and validate this accepted and allowed existence of me as inferiority/inferior as which I have defined myself and exist as towards my mother whom I experience as superior/authority over and of me, through manifesting such beliefs/assumptions/perceptions of her claiming the shes always right and Im always wrong along with me accepting and allowing myself to exist in the experience of feeling stupid and as nothing.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that the experiences manifested within myself of my mother claiming shes right and Im wrong and me experiencing myself as nothing and stupid when I experience her manifesting her authoritative stance over and of me, isnt real, but Im making it real to justify, defend and protect my accepted and allowed existence as inferiority and also that fact the I do exactly as she does towards me, towards others in my world
Practical Corrective Action to be taken:
Question:
How am I to practically assist and support myself to not accept or allow myself to continue the existence of me as inferiority, which only manifest the polarity-game-playout in conflicting/confrontational experiences with my mother for example, which only always end up with us both in a fight in a turmoil of emotions and feelings?
The moment I experience within me, that my mother is manifesting her authority over and of me and I accept and allow myself to react towards her, I know that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in inferiority within me, projecting the polarity opposite of what I am participating within me as inferiority, towards her as superiority/authority.
The moment, the justification within me exists of experiencing my mother claiming her to be right and be to be wrong and the experience of me as being stupid/nothing overwhelm me, I know that this is self-dishonest, because I am using this as an excuse to want to defend my accepted and allowed existence of inferiority and at the same time, my refusal to see that my mother is reflecting me to myself as the part of me as superiority/authority that I exist as towards others in my world.
To stop the accepted and allowed existence of me as inferiority within myself and superiority that I act out towards others in my world as the part of me that my mother is reflecting of me.
With regards to the inferiority I am to assist and support myself, to identify this inferiority-definition I have accepted and allowed to design of myself and stop accepting and allowing myself to exist as inferiority.
From here, to identify towards who within my world do I express authority/superiority as what my mother is reflecting of me to myself which Im only using to hide the existence of me as inferiority.
Assisting and supporting myself within this to stop existing within and of inferiority and superiority polarity that I have defined myself as and accepting and allowing myself to exist compromising me and others as me, because I see, that what I am experiencing within me towards my mother, I am actually also causing others to experience within themselves when I do exactly towards them, what my mother is doing towards me, as shes reflecting of me what I have become.
(NOTE: Ill be returning to this section at the end of this Process were moving through now to give a practical example of how this is done)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue the existence of me as the polarity manifested expression of me as inferiority and superiority.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that within my reaction towards my mothers expression as her manifesting her authority, shes reflecting me back to myself, indicating that I do exactly unto others what shes expressing towards me, thus causing others to experience exactly what I am experiencing within myself towards my mother.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize that the moment I react towards my experience within myself as my mother manifesting her authority over and of me reveals to me that I am accepting and allowing myself to exist and participate and act within and as the manifested accepted and allowed existence of me as inferiority.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate, manifest and exist within the accepted and allowed justification and excuse as self-dishonesty of it being my mother claiming that shes right and Im wrong and me experiencing myself as nothing/stupid when in truth, it is because of my accepted and allowed existence as inferiority that I am attempting to hide, together with that of myself that my mother is reflecting of me as superiority/authority which Im refusing to see, because Ive defined such an expression as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue the existence of me within assumptions/ideas/perceptions and beliefs that my mother is always claiming me to be wrong and her to be right, which manifests the justified experience of me as being nothing/stupid to defend/validate the accepted and allowed definition of me as inferiority and continue the definition of me as superior/authoritative to/towards other in my world/reality.
5.
Written Words of Experience:
She continues yelling and raising her voice, pointing her finger at me/slamming the table the more I express my view which causes me to go into emotional/feeling turmoil within myself.
Self Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within emotional/feeling turmoil when I experience within myself that the more I attempt to express my view my mother starts yelling more, raising her voice more, starts changing in her mannerism/behaviour through pointing her finger at me/slamming the table, which only cause me to react within myself even further.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react even further within myself within emotions/feelings when my mother starts yelling, raising her voice, pointing her finger at me or slamming the table, the more I am attempting/trying to express my view which at that point seems futile.
Insight/Understanding/Realisation:
Questions:
What acceptance and allowance within me is being revealed, within the expressed action of myself of me pushing/forcing to express my view within the starting point of reactive emotions/feelings?
What acceptance and allowance within me is being revealed, through me wanting to push/force my view even more, when my mother continues yelling and raising her voice, pointing her finger at me/slamming the table, which only cause me to go into further emotional/feeling turmoil?
Question 1:
What acceptance and allowance within me is being revealed, within the expressed action of myself of pushing/forcing to express my view within the starting point of reactive emotions/feelings?
1. The very act of me pushing to express my point of view from within the starting point of reactive emotions/feelings indicates me going into the defense-mode.
2. Defense-mode indicating me wanting to defend something/protect something I feel/experience within myself.
3. The only reason why I (in a starting point of reaction) would want to express my view even further, is the feeling of doubt within myself that I may be wrong after hearing my mothers words/expression towards me. But dont want to admit it, therefore Id go into defense to want to make the fear of being wrong and having to admit it go away by pushing/forcing my view even further because I want to be right and win the fight.
4. So, what Im doing here, in wanting to push MY view even further within the starting point of emotional/feeling reactions is revealing/showing to me, that within myself I know that I may be wrong but dont want to admit it. Therefore, Ill go into defense mode by pushing MY view even further in an attempt to with the fight.
5. Also, within me wanting to push MY view, indicates self-interest and that Im not HEARING HERE what it is that my mother is saying/expressing. All Im wanting to do and listen to, is myself and what I want to express.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize that the very accepted and allowed act of me wanting to push MY view even further within the starting point of reactive emotions/feelings indicates the accepted and allowed act of defense me going into defense-mode.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that defense-mode indicates me wanting to protect/defend an experience existent within me, that I dont want to admit to or see as this would indicate defeat and I dont want to lose the fight.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that the only reason why I, in a starting point of reaction would want to express my view even further, is the feeling of doubt within myself that I may be wrong after hearing my mothers words/expression towards me.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that me going into defense mode through wanting to push MY view even further within the starting point of reactive emotions/feelings is an attempt to hide the knowing/feeling within me, that I may be mistaken on a particular point but dont want to admit it, instead attempting to hide and disclose this experience within me, through going into accepted and allow defense mode through pushing further my point of view within the starting point of reactive emotions/feelings.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that within me wanting to push MY view only ever so fervently within the starting point of reactive emotions/feelings that Im not HERE HEARING the words expressed through and as my mother but me only listening and taking into consideration myself.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that within me only listening to myself and taking myself into consideration indicates accepted and allowed self-interest and self-dishonesty, which is also why, Id want to make her the problem, the fault, blaming her for what Im experiencing within myself to not see what I am doing and have become in accepted and allowed self-dishonesty as self-interest.
Question 2:
What acceptance and allowance within me is being revealed, through me wanting to push/force my view even more, when my mother continues yelling and raising her voice, pointing her finger at me/slamming the table, which only causes me to go into further emotional/feeling turmoil?
6. The very experience of my emotions/feelings compounding within myself the moment my mother raises her voice, yells, slams the table, points her finger indicate fear existent within me towards her particular expression.
7. The very act of me wanting to push my view even further, because of the physical-expression of my mother in word and deed culminating which cause my emotions/feelings to run amok indicates me wanting to protect myself from the fear I experience within me towards my mother perceiving my mother to be a threat because of me reacting in fear towards her expression.
8. This fear-reaction within me towards her manifested physical expression, forming an idea/belief/assumption that shes posing a threat against which I want to protect myself thus utilizing the culmination of emotions/feelings within me and me wanting to push/force my view as a protection-mechanism that I manifest to actually protect me from my own fear-reaction experienced within me, projected towards my mother lol.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize that the very experience of my emotions/feelings compounding within myself the moment my mother raises her voice, yells, slams the table, points her finger indicate my accepted and allowed act of reacting in fear towards her.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that the very act of me wanting to push my view even further, because of me reacting in fear towards my mothers particular physical expression indicates me wanting to protect myself from my mothers particular physical expression, because of the fear to which I react that came up within myself.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize that me compounding my emotions/feelings within myself by participating in them even further and wanting to force/push my point of view even further indicates me accessing a protection-mechanism design of myself, in an attempt to protect myself from my own fear manifested within me, projected towards my mother as being a threat lol.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive my mother as a threat because of a fear that manifest within me towards her manifested physical expression within me creating the perception/belief/idea that shes a threat, because of me reacting towards her physical manifested expression in word and deed towards me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a defense-mechanism that activates as me, when I accept and allow myself to manifest fear within me and projecting that fear unto another through creating them to be the threat when all along its the fear that I am and accept and allow myself to participate in creating them to be the threat.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear towards my mothers particular expression as raising her voice, yelling, slamming the table and pointing her finger at me as shes speaking.
Practical Corrective Action to be taken:
Question:
How to practically assist and support myself in not accepting or allowing myself to go into a manifested protection-mechanism of myself from within fear which causes emotions/feeling to culminate within me and my actions/expression towards my mother in a conflicting/confrontational event which only leads down the exact same road to the exact same end?
When I see that I am wanting to push/force my point of view even further as I experience my emotions/feeling compounding within myself I stop myself immediately from continuing to want to force/push my point of view as I see in this moment that this is accepted and allowed self-dishonesty; because all Im doing is defending myself from not wanting to admit that I may be mistaken, when I see that I could actually be mistaken.
I identify this experience within me of where I may be mistaken and stop wanting to win a fight to support my EGO by wanting to push MY view within reactive emotions/feelings.
(NOTE: Ill be returning to this section at the end of this Process were moving through now to give an practical example of how this is done)
This action of me wanting to push/force only MY view also indicating to me that Im not HEARING HERE therefore I immediately slow down here in and as breath, stop participating in the emotions/feelings rising up within me that I use to want to force/push MY point of view and unconditionally hear here as breath, what my mother is saying and respond in common sense self stability here as breath = NO REACTION.
When I experience within me, that I am further accepting and allowing my emotions/feelings to compound within me, because of my experience towards my mothers particular physical expressions in word and deed: I know that I am accepting and allowing myself to react in fear.
I immediately stop the moment I recognize this because I know the fear that I am existing within is projecting her to be a threat when all the while it is me, reacting in accepted and allowed fear towards her.
Then, to identify specifically within myself for myself, why and how I am accepting and allowing myself to particularly react in fear towards her physical expression towards me, that activates the defense-mechanism within me; because of this fear being projected towards her, manifesting the belief/assumption/idea that shes a threat.
(NOTE: Ill be returning to this section at the end of this Process were moving through now to give an practical example of how this is done)
Bruce L.
Edited by: Darryl Thomas
God of Man: The Physical: Part Eight (Section 12)
Continuing with the Written Words of an Experience and the practical examples of how to assist and support self to see the insights/understandings/realisations within the self forgiveness applied, to assist and support self effectively within the process of self corrective application.
4.
Written Words of Experience:
During this, she manifests her authority over and of me, by her claiming she’s right and Im wrong, which makes me feel like I’m stupid, nothing that I’m always wrong and she’s always right, no matter what.
Self Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience my mother as authority over and of me when I experience her going into attack towards me in a conflicting/confrontational event/situation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid and like nothing when I experience within me her establishing her authority by her claiming she’s right and I’m wrong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself towards my mother in a conflicting/confrontational as me as always wrong and her as always right.
Insight/Understanding/Realisation:
Questions:
What is my experience towards my mother as her manifesting her authority revealing about what I am accepting and allowing within myself?
What is my experience within myself as being nothing/stupid because of me experiencing my mother as her claiming that she’s right and I’m wrong no matter what revealing about what I am accepting and allowing within myself?
Question 1:
What is my experience towards my mother as her manifesting her authority revealing about what I am accepting and allowing within myself?
1. Common Sense: If I’m experiencing her that’s standing before me, outside of me as authority, this reflects that I am experiencing myself as the polarity opposite of what I experience towards her as authority, which is: Inferiority.
2. With me reacting to my experience towards my mother as her manifesting her authority, this would indicate that I take the exact same stance of manifesting my authority towards others in my world. The reaction towards my mothers authoritative-stance confirms this, as I am reacting towards myself as what Ive defined myself as, which my mother is reflecting of myself.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize that within my experiencing my mother as an authoritative-manifestation as a being that stands outside separate from me, I am revealing/showing myself, that such a projection as authority towards another reveals that I am accepting and allowing me to exist as inferiority.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to and as inferiority, creating the perception/belief/assumption that others are superior / authoritative.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that within me reacting towards my experience within myself as my mother manifesting her authority over and of me, that this reaction within me indicates that I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as a manifestation of authority towards others in my world.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize that in reacting towards the experience within myself as my mother manifesting her authority over and of me that this reaction reveals that my mother is reflecting a part of me that I havent allowed myself to see, because Ive defined myself as that which my mother is reflecting of me as authority.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the manifested expression of authority over and of others that my mother in an conflicting/confrontational situation/experience with her reflected towards me of myself.
Question 2:
What is my experience within myself when my mother claims that I am nothing/stupid while shes right and Im wrong no matter what, revealing about what I am accepting and allowing within myself?
3. Right and Wrong indicates polarity me manifesting the superiority as authority I experience my mother to be, through me accepting and allowing myself to exist in inferiority towards her, which manifests the polarity-experience of her claiming shes right and that Im wrong, validating my inferior experience to her authority manifestation.
4. Me experiencing myself as nothing and stupid also originating from me experiencing myself as inferior towards my mother whom I experience as superior / the authority.
5. Therefore, within the shes right and Im wrong experience, I claim my mothers assertion through her authoritative-stance along with me experiencing myself as stupid and nothing all derivatives of the inferiority Im accepting and allowing myself to exist as and attempting to justify this existence of inferiority that I am through manifesting such thoughts/ideas/beliefs within me wanting to make it all her fault, instead of me checking me first.
6. Therefore, the shes right and Im wrong experience I claim my mother is claiming through her authoritative-stance along with me experiencing myself as stupid and nothing = isnt real, Im deliberately making it real as an attempt for me not to see the inferiority Ive accepted and allowed myself to be as well as the authority I manifest towards others which my mother is reflecting of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the polarity of right and wrong.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize that the manifestation of the experience within myself of my mother claiming that shes right and that Im wrong when I experience within me, her manifesting her authority over and of me, actually originates from my accepted and allowed definition of me as inferior/inferiority.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that I am accepting and allowing myself to validate my inferior/inferiority self-definition and experience towards my mother through me existing within the belief/assumption/perception that shes claiming shes right and Im wrong when I experience within me that shes manifesting her authority over and of me.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that my experience of me as being nothing and stupid originates from my accepted and allowed self-definition as inferior/inferiority and experience of myself as inferior/inferiority towards my mother whom I experience as superiority/authority over and of me.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that the shes right and Im wrong experience I claim my mothers claiming through her authoritative-stance along with me experiencing myself as stupid and nothing are all derivatives of the inferiority Im accepting and allowing myself to exist as.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that I am attempting to justify and validate this accepted and allowed existence of me as inferiority/inferior as which I have defined myself and exist as towards my mother whom I experience as superior/authority over and of me, through manifesting such beliefs/assumptions/perceptions of her claiming the shes always right and Im always wrong along with me accepting and allowing myself to exist in the experience of feeling stupid and as nothing.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that the experiences manifested within myself of my mother claiming shes right and Im wrong and me experiencing myself as nothing and stupid when I experience her manifesting her authoritative stance over and of me, isnt real, but Im making it real to justify, defend and protect my accepted and allowed existence as inferiority and also that fact the I do exactly as she does towards me, towards others in my world
Practical Corrective Action to be taken:
Question:
How am I to practically assist and support myself to not accept or allow myself to continue the existence of me as inferiority, which only manifest the polarity-game-playout in conflicting/confrontational experiences with my mother for example, which only always end up with us both in a fight in a turmoil of emotions and feelings?
The moment I experience within me, that my mother is manifesting her authority over and of me and I accept and allow myself to react towards her, I know that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in inferiority within me, projecting the polarity opposite of what I am participating within me as inferiority, towards her as superiority/authority.
The moment, the justification within me exists of experiencing my mother claiming her to be right and be to be wrong and the experience of me as being stupid/nothing overwhelm me, I know that this is self-dishonest, because I am using this as an excuse to want to defend my accepted and allowed existence of inferiority and at the same time, my refusal to see that my mother is reflecting me to myself as the part of me as superiority/authority that I exist as towards others in my world.
To stop the accepted and allowed existence of me as inferiority within myself and superiority that I act out towards others in my world as the part of me that my mother is reflecting of me.
With regards to the inferiority I am to assist and support myself, to identify this inferiority-definition I have accepted and allowed to design of myself and stop accepting and allowing myself to exist as inferiority.
From here, to identify towards who within my world do I express authority/superiority as what my mother is reflecting of me to myself which Im only using to hide the existence of me as inferiority.
Assisting and supporting myself within this to stop existing within and of inferiority and superiority polarity that I have defined myself as and accepting and allowing myself to exist compromising me and others as me, because I see, that what I am experiencing within me towards my mother, I am actually also causing others to experience within themselves when I do exactly towards them, what my mother is doing towards me, as shes reflecting of me what I have become.
(NOTE: Ill be returning to this section at the end of this Process were moving through now to give a practical example of how this is done)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue the existence of me as the polarity manifested expression of me as inferiority and superiority.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that within my reaction towards my mothers expression as her manifesting her authority, shes reflecting me back to myself, indicating that I do exactly unto others what shes expressing towards me, thus causing others to experience exactly what I am experiencing within myself towards my mother.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize that the moment I react towards my experience within myself as my mother manifesting her authority over and of me reveals to me that I am accepting and allowing myself to exist and participate and act within and as the manifested accepted and allowed existence of me as inferiority.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate, manifest and exist within the accepted and allowed justification and excuse as self-dishonesty of it being my mother claiming that shes right and Im wrong and me experiencing myself as nothing/stupid when in truth, it is because of my accepted and allowed existence as inferiority that I am attempting to hide, together with that of myself that my mother is reflecting of me as superiority/authority which Im refusing to see, because Ive defined such an expression as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue the existence of me within assumptions/ideas/perceptions and beliefs that my mother is always claiming me to be wrong and her to be right, which manifests the justified experience of me as being nothing/stupid to defend/validate the accepted and allowed definition of me as inferiority and continue the definition of me as superior/authoritative to/towards other in my world/reality.
5.
Written Words of Experience:
She continues yelling and raising her voice, pointing her finger at me/slamming the table the more I express my view which causes me to go into emotional/feeling turmoil within myself.
Self Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within emotional/feeling turmoil when I experience within myself that the more I attempt to express my view my mother starts yelling more, raising her voice more, starts changing in her mannerism/behaviour through pointing her finger at me/slamming the table, which only cause me to react within myself even further.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react even further within myself within emotions/feelings when my mother starts yelling, raising her voice, pointing her finger at me or slamming the table, the more I am attempting/trying to express my view which at that point seems futile.
Insight/Understanding/Realisation:
Questions:
What acceptance and allowance within me is being revealed, within the expressed action of myself of me pushing/forcing to express my view within the starting point of reactive emotions/feelings?
What acceptance and allowance within me is being revealed, through me wanting to push/force my view even more, when my mother continues yelling and raising her voice, pointing her finger at me/slamming the table, which only cause me to go into further emotional/feeling turmoil?
Question 1:
What acceptance and allowance within me is being revealed, within the expressed action of myself of pushing/forcing to express my view within the starting point of reactive emotions/feelings?
1. The very act of me pushing to express my point of view from within the starting point of reactive emotions/feelings indicates me going into the defense-mode.
2. Defense-mode indicating me wanting to defend something/protect something I feel/experience within myself.
3. The only reason why I (in a starting point of reaction) would want to express my view even further, is the feeling of doubt within myself that I may be wrong after hearing my mothers words/expression towards me. But dont want to admit it, therefore Id go into defense to want to make the fear of being wrong and having to admit it go away by pushing/forcing my view even further because I want to be right and win the fight.
4. So, what Im doing here, in wanting to push MY view even further within the starting point of emotional/feeling reactions is revealing/showing to me, that within myself I know that I may be wrong but dont want to admit it. Therefore, Ill go into defense mode by pushing MY view even further in an attempt to with the fight.
5. Also, within me wanting to push MY view, indicates self-interest and that Im not HEARING HERE what it is that my mother is saying/expressing. All Im wanting to do and listen to, is myself and what I want to express.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize that the very accepted and allowed act of me wanting to push MY view even further within the starting point of reactive emotions/feelings indicates the accepted and allowed act of defense me going into defense-mode.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that defense-mode indicates me wanting to protect/defend an experience existent within me, that I dont want to admit to or see as this would indicate defeat and I dont want to lose the fight.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that the only reason why I, in a starting point of reaction would want to express my view even further, is the feeling of doubt within myself that I may be wrong after hearing my mothers words/expression towards me.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that me going into defense mode through wanting to push MY view even further within the starting point of reactive emotions/feelings is an attempt to hide the knowing/feeling within me, that I may be mistaken on a particular point but dont want to admit it, instead attempting to hide and disclose this experience within me, through going into accepted and allow defense mode through pushing further my point of view within the starting point of reactive emotions/feelings.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that within me wanting to push MY view only ever so fervently within the starting point of reactive emotions/feelings that Im not HERE HEARING the words expressed through and as my mother but me only listening and taking into consideration myself.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that within me only listening to myself and taking myself into consideration indicates accepted and allowed self-interest and self-dishonesty, which is also why, Id want to make her the problem, the fault, blaming her for what Im experiencing within myself to not see what I am doing and have become in accepted and allowed self-dishonesty as self-interest.
Question 2:
What acceptance and allowance within me is being revealed, through me wanting to push/force my view even more, when my mother continues yelling and raising her voice, pointing her finger at me/slamming the table, which only causes me to go into further emotional/feeling turmoil?
6. The very experience of my emotions/feelings compounding within myself the moment my mother raises her voice, yells, slams the table, points her finger indicate fear existent within me towards her particular expression.
7. The very act of me wanting to push my view even further, because of the physical-expression of my mother in word and deed culminating which cause my emotions/feelings to run amok indicates me wanting to protect myself from the fear I experience within me towards my mother perceiving my mother to be a threat because of me reacting in fear towards her expression.
8. This fear-reaction within me towards her manifested physical expression, forming an idea/belief/assumption that shes posing a threat against which I want to protect myself thus utilizing the culmination of emotions/feelings within me and me wanting to push/force my view as a protection-mechanism that I manifest to actually protect me from my own fear-reaction experienced within me, projected towards my mother lol.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize that the very experience of my emotions/feelings compounding within myself the moment my mother raises her voice, yells, slams the table, points her finger indicate my accepted and allowed act of reacting in fear towards her.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize, that the very act of me wanting to push my view even further, because of me reacting in fear towards my mothers particular physical expression indicates me wanting to protect myself from my mothers particular physical expression, because of the fear to which I react that came up within myself.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize that me compounding my emotions/feelings within myself by participating in them even further and wanting to force/push my point of view even further indicates me accessing a protection-mechanism design of myself, in an attempt to protect myself from my own fear manifested within me, projected towards my mother as being a threat lol.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive my mother as a threat because of a fear that manifest within me towards her manifested physical expression within me creating the perception/belief/idea that shes a threat, because of me reacting towards her physical manifested expression in word and deed towards me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a defense-mechanism that activates as me, when I accept and allow myself to manifest fear within me and projecting that fear unto another through creating them to be the threat when all along its the fear that I am and accept and allow myself to participate in creating them to be the threat.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear towards my mothers particular expression as raising her voice, yelling, slamming the table and pointing her finger at me as shes speaking.
Practical Corrective Action to be taken:
Question:
How to practically assist and support myself in not accepting or allowing myself to go into a manifested protection-mechanism of myself from within fear which causes emotions/feeling to culminate within me and my actions/expression towards my mother in a conflicting/confrontational event which only leads down the exact same road to the exact same end?
When I see that I am wanting to push/force my point of view even further as I experience my emotions/feeling compounding within myself I stop myself immediately from continuing to want to force/push my point of view as I see in this moment that this is accepted and allowed self-dishonesty; because all Im doing is defending myself from not wanting to admit that I may be mistaken, when I see that I could actually be mistaken.
I identify this experience within me of where I may be mistaken and stop wanting to win a fight to support my EGO by wanting to push MY view within reactive emotions/feelings.
(NOTE: Ill be returning to this section at the end of this Process were moving through now to give an practical example of how this is done)
This action of me wanting to push/force only MY view also indicating to me that Im not HEARING HERE therefore I immediately slow down here in and as breath, stop participating in the emotions/feelings rising up within me that I use to want to force/push MY point of view and unconditionally hear here as breath, what my mother is saying and respond in common sense self stability here as breath = NO REACTION.
When I experience within me, that I am further accepting and allowing my emotions/feelings to compound within me, because of my experience towards my mothers particular physical expressions in word and deed: I know that I am accepting and allowing myself to react in fear.
I immediately stop the moment I recognize this because I know the fear that I am existing within is projecting her to be a threat when all the while it is me, reacting in accepted and allowed fear towards her.
Then, to identify specifically within myself for myself, why and how I am accepting and allowing myself to particularly react in fear towards her physical expression towards me, that activates the defense-mechanism within me; because of this fear being projected towards her, manifesting the belief/assumption/idea that shes a threat.
(NOTE: Ill be returning to this section at the end of this Process were moving through now to give an practical example of how this is done)
Bruce L.
Edited by: Darryl Thomas
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