Daily Interdimensional Diary:24 October 2008:Part Eight (Section 11)
Daily Interdimensional Diary:
24 October 2008
God of Man: The Physical: Part Eight (Section 11)
Continuing with the practical examples with Questions and Responses of the Insight / Understanding / Realisation and Practical Self Corrective Action for the Self Forgiveness Process applied of the Written Words of an experience within yourself and your world, which we moved through in God of Man: The Physical: Part Eight (Section 9) through, into the God of Man: The Physical: Part Eight (Section 10) and now continuing with in this document: God of Man: The Physical: Part Eight (Section 11):
3.
Written Words of Experience:
No matter how much I attempt/try to express ‘my side of the story’, she keeps on and continues ‘attacking me’ as though ‘it’s all my fault’ as though ‘I am the problem, the fault’ within it all, giving me no opportunity to explain myself.
Self Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in emotions/feelings when in a conflicting/confrontational situation/event with my Mother, because I experience within me, that no matter how much I attempt/try to express ‘my side of the story’, she keeps on and continues ‘attacking’ me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in emotional/feeling turmoil within myself towards my mother when in a conflicting/confrontational situation/event, because I experience within me as though she’s making it ‘all my fault’, that ‘I’m the problem’, the fault within it all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in emotional/feeling turmoil towards my mother when in a conflicting/confrontational situation/event in which I experience her expression towards me as ‘attacking me’ – because the experience within me, is as though she’s not giving me an opportunity to explain myself.
Insight/Understanding/Realisation:
Questions:
What acceptance and allowance within me, is being revealed, through me experiencing my mother’s expression as an ‘attack’ towards me.
What acceptance and allowance within me, is being revealed, through me experiencing within me, that my mother is the one making it all my fault, that I’m the problem.
What acceptance and allowance within me, is being revealed of me, through me pushing attempting/trying even harder to express ‘my side of the story’ within the starting point of reaction of emotions/feelings because of the experience within me, that she’s attacking me and making it all my fault as though I am the problem?
Question 1:
What acceptance and allowance within me, is being revealed, through me experiencing my mother’s expression as an ‘attack’ towards me.
1. The idea/belief/assumption that she’s ‘attacking me’, indicate that I’m reacting within myself towards my mother’s particular expression in words/deed.
2. This reaction towards her within myself, indicate that I’m taking the words she’s speaking and her mannerism/behaviour towards me: Personally, as though ‘she’s doing something unto me’.
3. This ‘doing something unto me’ experience within me, because of me taking her expression in word/deed personally – forming the experience within me of ‘her attacking me’.
4. I see that she’s actually not ‘attacking me’ – I only experience this, because of me taking her expression in word/deed personally through/by reacting towards her expression in word/deed.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the forming of an idea/belief/assumption within me, that she’s attacking me – indicate that I’m accepting and allowing myself to react towards my mother.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards my mother’s words/deeds and in this reaction forming the idea/belief/assumption that she’s attacking me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that this reaction towards her within myself indicate that I’m taking her mannerism/behaviour towards me personally – which form the idea/perception/belief that she’s ‘doing something unto me’ as ‘attacking me’.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that she isn’t actually ‘attacking me’ – this I only experience, because of me taking her expression towards me personally because of me accepting and allowing myself to react towards her in the first place.
Question 2:
What acceptance and allowance within me, is being revealed, through me experiencing within me, that my mother is the one making it all my fault, that I’m the problem.
5. Only because I believe/think within me, that she’s attacking me, do I think/believe that she’s making it all my fault, as though I’m the problem.
6. Within the very idea/perception that is formed inside of me of her making it my fault, making me the problem – actually indicate that I am ‘faulting’ and that I am the ‘problem’ within my very acceptance and allowance of thinking/believing that she’s attacking me – which cause a massive reaction of emotions/feelings within myself, just because of such a belief/thought.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that only because I think/believe that she’s attacking me – does the thought/belief manifest that she’s making it my fault, as though I’m the problem.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that this entire experience of her attacking me, making it my fault as though I’m the problem – is only beliefs/assumptions that is formed, because I’m reacting towards her, taking her expression towards me personally.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that I’m accepting and allowing myself to form ideas/beliefs within me – because of emotional/feeling reactions within me – therefore, how can I trust what I experience within me as ‘being real’ – if the starting point of such experiences is of the mind?
Question 3:
What acceptance and allowance within me, is being revealed of me, through me pushing attempting/trying even harder to express ‘my side of the story’ within the starting point of reaction of emotions/feelings because of the experience within me, that she’s attacking me and making it all my fault as though I am the problem?
7. With me then furtherly wanting to push in trying/attempting to ‘explain myself’ and bring across ‘my side of the story’ from within a starting point of reaction – indicate that I’m going into defense-mode within myself, because of the idea/belief that she’s attacking me, and me wanting to ‘prove to her’ that it’s not me that’s the problem/the fault in it all.
8. With me going into ‘defense-mode’ indicate that she’s reflecting parts of me back to myself that I am refusing to see – this why I’m taking what she’s expressing in words/deed personally – I’m refusing to see myself as what she’s presenting of myself. Hiding within the justification of it being her ‘attacking me’ and ‘making it all my fault as though I’m the problem’ – instead of me looking to myself – asking why I’m accepting and allowing myself to react towards her.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that within me wanting to furtherly push in trying/attempting to ‘explain myself’ and express ‘my side of the story’ from within a starting point of reactive emotions/feelings – is that such ‘pushing’ – is me actually wanting to ‘prove something to someone’ – thus indicating that I’m actually not self-honest here in the moment in commons sense self expression as me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that in this ‘pushing’ as reactive emotions/feelings ‘drive me’ to ‘want to’ desperately bring across ‘my point of view’ – being driven within the idea/perception that she’s attacking me, making it my fault, as though I’m the problem – is me actually going into defense-mode – wanting to defend myself as what I’m trying/attempting to say/express.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that in me going into defense-mode as me ‘pushing harder and harder’ to bring across my point of view within the starting point reaction of me believing that she’s the one making it my fault, as though I’m the problem – is me attempting to prove to my mother that I’m not the problem, that I’m not the one faulting.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that within me going into defense-mode, this very act indicate that she’s representing parts of me, I’m refusing to see – and hiding of myself, through going into defense mode.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that the very act of taking her expression towards me personally – indicate that she’s representing parts of me that I’m refusing to see, reflecting me back to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide in the justification within myself that she’s attacking me, making me the problem, the fault in it all – when the truth of the situation is, that I’m reacting towards her, because I’m taking her expression towards me personally, because she’s showing/revealing me to myself = and I don’t like that, I don’t like seeing myself and want to hide this in any and all way possible – such as going into ‘defense-mode’.
Practical Corrective Action to be taken:
How am I going to practically assist and support me, to no more accept and allow myself to take my mother’s expression towards me personally, which manifest the entire mind-belief/perception/assumption/idea of her attacking me, making it my fault as though I’m the problem, within which I react in emotional/feeling turmoil even further – leading us both down the same road of a fight?
Firstly, in the moment I accept and allow myself to react towards my mother – I stop, I breathe and assist and support me to stabilize me here in and as breath. Because I know then, that this reaction within me, is indicating that I’m taking her expression towards me personally.
Secondly, I identify the exact words and her stance as mannerism/behaviour towards me – to identify what of her words and her stance is reflecting me back to myself as a manifested / expressed presentation of myself I am refusing to see. Because I understand, that that towards which I am reacting – is actually revealing/representing a part(s) of me that I am existing as and actually expressing towards others – but refusing to see.
From here, to apply self forgiveness and self corrective action to not accept or allow myself to act/behave/speak as that towards others, which my mother is reflecting of me – but what I am refusing to see.
(NOTE: I’ll be returning to this section at the end of this Process we’re moving through now – to give an practical example of how this is done)
The moment that idea/belief comes up within me, that she’s making it my fault as though I’m the problem, experiencing it as though her attacking me – I know I’ve gone too far and accepted and allowed myself to participate in my reactive emotions/feelings – I immediately stop, breathe and not accept/allow myself to continue participating.
The moment I continue trying/attempting to push harder and harder – I know I’m accepting and allowing myself to go into defense-mode – I’ve again accepted and allowed myself to go too far – I stop myself from continuing to want to push harder and harder I breathe here and I HEAR.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to immediately stop within myself, the moment I experience a reaction within me towards my mother – but continued participating in such a reaction, without realizing that the reaction within me towards my mother, is revealing an acceptance and allowance within me of me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that such reactions within me towards my mother, within which I go into immediate defense-mode, indicate that I’m actually taking her reaction towards me personally, because she’s showing me to myself and that’s exactly what I don’t want to see, because that would mean I’d have to change me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that I haven’t wanted to see that my mother is reflecting and representing parts of me, because I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to and as such acts/words my mother reflect of me, that I’m accepting/allowing myself to do unto others.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to immediately stop myself the moment an idea/belief is formed within my mind originating from an reaction within myself – but continued to accept and allow myself to participate within it.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to immediately stop myself the moment I experience within myself that I am acting out from within a reaction within myself through wanting to push harder and more to bring across my point of view.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the accepted and allowed act of taking someone or something personally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the accepted and allowed act of manifested defense mode.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that the very existence of me as reacting towards another, taking their expression towards me personally and going into defense-mode is accepted and allowed dishonesty – yet I still accept and allow myself to want to make it the other’s fault/problem, and not take self responsibility for me here.
We’ll continue within the next section.
Bruce L.
24 October 2008
God of Man: The Physical: Part Eight (Section 11)
Continuing with the practical examples with Questions and Responses of the Insight / Understanding / Realisation and Practical Self Corrective Action for the Self Forgiveness Process applied of the Written Words of an experience within yourself and your world, which we moved through in God of Man: The Physical: Part Eight (Section 9) through, into the God of Man: The Physical: Part Eight (Section 10) and now continuing with in this document: God of Man: The Physical: Part Eight (Section 11):
3.
Written Words of Experience:
No matter how much I attempt/try to express ‘my side of the story’, she keeps on and continues ‘attacking me’ as though ‘it’s all my fault’ as though ‘I am the problem, the fault’ within it all, giving me no opportunity to explain myself.
Self Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in emotions/feelings when in a conflicting/confrontational situation/event with my Mother, because I experience within me, that no matter how much I attempt/try to express ‘my side of the story’, she keeps on and continues ‘attacking’ me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in emotional/feeling turmoil within myself towards my mother when in a conflicting/confrontational situation/event, because I experience within me as though she’s making it ‘all my fault’, that ‘I’m the problem’, the fault within it all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in emotional/feeling turmoil towards my mother when in a conflicting/confrontational situation/event in which I experience her expression towards me as ‘attacking me’ – because the experience within me, is as though she’s not giving me an opportunity to explain myself.
Insight/Understanding/Realisation:
Questions:
What acceptance and allowance within me, is being revealed, through me experiencing my mother’s expression as an ‘attack’ towards me.
What acceptance and allowance within me, is being revealed, through me experiencing within me, that my mother is the one making it all my fault, that I’m the problem.
What acceptance and allowance within me, is being revealed of me, through me pushing attempting/trying even harder to express ‘my side of the story’ within the starting point of reaction of emotions/feelings because of the experience within me, that she’s attacking me and making it all my fault as though I am the problem?
Question 1:
What acceptance and allowance within me, is being revealed, through me experiencing my mother’s expression as an ‘attack’ towards me.
1. The idea/belief/assumption that she’s ‘attacking me’, indicate that I’m reacting within myself towards my mother’s particular expression in words/deed.
2. This reaction towards her within myself, indicate that I’m taking the words she’s speaking and her mannerism/behaviour towards me: Personally, as though ‘she’s doing something unto me’.
3. This ‘doing something unto me’ experience within me, because of me taking her expression in word/deed personally – forming the experience within me of ‘her attacking me’.
4. I see that she’s actually not ‘attacking me’ – I only experience this, because of me taking her expression in word/deed personally through/by reacting towards her expression in word/deed.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the forming of an idea/belief/assumption within me, that she’s attacking me – indicate that I’m accepting and allowing myself to react towards my mother.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards my mother’s words/deeds and in this reaction forming the idea/belief/assumption that she’s attacking me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that this reaction towards her within myself indicate that I’m taking her mannerism/behaviour towards me personally – which form the idea/perception/belief that she’s ‘doing something unto me’ as ‘attacking me’.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that she isn’t actually ‘attacking me’ – this I only experience, because of me taking her expression towards me personally because of me accepting and allowing myself to react towards her in the first place.
Question 2:
What acceptance and allowance within me, is being revealed, through me experiencing within me, that my mother is the one making it all my fault, that I’m the problem.
5. Only because I believe/think within me, that she’s attacking me, do I think/believe that she’s making it all my fault, as though I’m the problem.
6. Within the very idea/perception that is formed inside of me of her making it my fault, making me the problem – actually indicate that I am ‘faulting’ and that I am the ‘problem’ within my very acceptance and allowance of thinking/believing that she’s attacking me – which cause a massive reaction of emotions/feelings within myself, just because of such a belief/thought.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that only because I think/believe that she’s attacking me – does the thought/belief manifest that she’s making it my fault, as though I’m the problem.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that this entire experience of her attacking me, making it my fault as though I’m the problem – is only beliefs/assumptions that is formed, because I’m reacting towards her, taking her expression towards me personally.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that I’m accepting and allowing myself to form ideas/beliefs within me – because of emotional/feeling reactions within me – therefore, how can I trust what I experience within me as ‘being real’ – if the starting point of such experiences is of the mind?
Question 3:
What acceptance and allowance within me, is being revealed of me, through me pushing attempting/trying even harder to express ‘my side of the story’ within the starting point of reaction of emotions/feelings because of the experience within me, that she’s attacking me and making it all my fault as though I am the problem?
7. With me then furtherly wanting to push in trying/attempting to ‘explain myself’ and bring across ‘my side of the story’ from within a starting point of reaction – indicate that I’m going into defense-mode within myself, because of the idea/belief that she’s attacking me, and me wanting to ‘prove to her’ that it’s not me that’s the problem/the fault in it all.
8. With me going into ‘defense-mode’ indicate that she’s reflecting parts of me back to myself that I am refusing to see – this why I’m taking what she’s expressing in words/deed personally – I’m refusing to see myself as what she’s presenting of myself. Hiding within the justification of it being her ‘attacking me’ and ‘making it all my fault as though I’m the problem’ – instead of me looking to myself – asking why I’m accepting and allowing myself to react towards her.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that within me wanting to furtherly push in trying/attempting to ‘explain myself’ and express ‘my side of the story’ from within a starting point of reactive emotions/feelings – is that such ‘pushing’ – is me actually wanting to ‘prove something to someone’ – thus indicating that I’m actually not self-honest here in the moment in commons sense self expression as me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that in this ‘pushing’ as reactive emotions/feelings ‘drive me’ to ‘want to’ desperately bring across ‘my point of view’ – being driven within the idea/perception that she’s attacking me, making it my fault, as though I’m the problem – is me actually going into defense-mode – wanting to defend myself as what I’m trying/attempting to say/express.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that in me going into defense-mode as me ‘pushing harder and harder’ to bring across my point of view within the starting point reaction of me believing that she’s the one making it my fault, as though I’m the problem – is me attempting to prove to my mother that I’m not the problem, that I’m not the one faulting.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that within me going into defense-mode, this very act indicate that she’s representing parts of me, I’m refusing to see – and hiding of myself, through going into defense mode.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that the very act of taking her expression towards me personally – indicate that she’s representing parts of me that I’m refusing to see, reflecting me back to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide in the justification within myself that she’s attacking me, making me the problem, the fault in it all – when the truth of the situation is, that I’m reacting towards her, because I’m taking her expression towards me personally, because she’s showing/revealing me to myself = and I don’t like that, I don’t like seeing myself and want to hide this in any and all way possible – such as going into ‘defense-mode’.
Practical Corrective Action to be taken:
How am I going to practically assist and support me, to no more accept and allow myself to take my mother’s expression towards me personally, which manifest the entire mind-belief/perception/assumption/idea of her attacking me, making it my fault as though I’m the problem, within which I react in emotional/feeling turmoil even further – leading us both down the same road of a fight?
Firstly, in the moment I accept and allow myself to react towards my mother – I stop, I breathe and assist and support me to stabilize me here in and as breath. Because I know then, that this reaction within me, is indicating that I’m taking her expression towards me personally.
Secondly, I identify the exact words and her stance as mannerism/behaviour towards me – to identify what of her words and her stance is reflecting me back to myself as a manifested / expressed presentation of myself I am refusing to see. Because I understand, that that towards which I am reacting – is actually revealing/representing a part(s) of me that I am existing as and actually expressing towards others – but refusing to see.
From here, to apply self forgiveness and self corrective action to not accept or allow myself to act/behave/speak as that towards others, which my mother is reflecting of me – but what I am refusing to see.
(NOTE: I’ll be returning to this section at the end of this Process we’re moving through now – to give an practical example of how this is done)
The moment that idea/belief comes up within me, that she’s making it my fault as though I’m the problem, experiencing it as though her attacking me – I know I’ve gone too far and accepted and allowed myself to participate in my reactive emotions/feelings – I immediately stop, breathe and not accept/allow myself to continue participating.
The moment I continue trying/attempting to push harder and harder – I know I’m accepting and allowing myself to go into defense-mode – I’ve again accepted and allowed myself to go too far – I stop myself from continuing to want to push harder and harder I breathe here and I HEAR.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to immediately stop within myself, the moment I experience a reaction within me towards my mother – but continued participating in such a reaction, without realizing that the reaction within me towards my mother, is revealing an acceptance and allowance within me of me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that such reactions within me towards my mother, within which I go into immediate defense-mode, indicate that I’m actually taking her reaction towards me personally, because she’s showing me to myself and that’s exactly what I don’t want to see, because that would mean I’d have to change me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that I haven’t wanted to see that my mother is reflecting and representing parts of me, because I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to and as such acts/words my mother reflect of me, that I’m accepting/allowing myself to do unto others.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to immediately stop myself the moment an idea/belief is formed within my mind originating from an reaction within myself – but continued to accept and allow myself to participate within it.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to immediately stop myself the moment I experience within myself that I am acting out from within a reaction within myself through wanting to push harder and more to bring across my point of view.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the accepted and allowed act of taking someone or something personally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the accepted and allowed act of manifested defense mode.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that the very existence of me as reacting towards another, taking their expression towards me personally and going into defense-mode is accepted and allowed dishonesty – yet I still accept and allow myself to want to make it the other’s fault/problem, and not take self responsibility for me here.
We’ll continue within the next section.
Bruce L.
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