MESS: ANGER: SHOWDOWN: TAKING CONTROL: BREAKTHROUGH
I was in a sort of a high when i finished the 30 minutes "no thought" challenge.
The next day i was woke up sort of hallucinating about what i experienced the day
before. My mind sort of flipped with the fact that i have 2 beingnesses, one as me as the breath with a body and another one as me as the breath. It can't quite sit on that because it's so used to just being the program. I felt my mind is giving up on me. I was initially scared, scared shitless, because of the fact that i cannot continue my search for infinity if this happen. This is the reason why i posted a blog on "Support" so i can share how i support me as you. I just stayed in bed until 12 noon disoriented.
I was able to muster some strength to get up at about a little past 12 noon.
I went to the bathroom and sat there, still disoriented. There was a stage like this also when i was meditating. We call it "spaced out". I remembered i used
to ground myself then with the daily discipline like taking a shower, yoga exercices,
etc.
So, i took a shower, then i became anger. I told my mind, like a directive, you know, "There is no bloody way you are going to take over my life. I won't let you. No way! I
am the life essence in this body and i do as i please!" I applied self-forgiveness at this point on allowing and accepting to feel like this. I then said " I delete and release all thoughts, feelings and emotions associated with this and its refractions in my dna and all thoughts not aligned to me as all as one ..I am in control here, that is not going to happen again because i will not let it happen" . This is the showdown. I then took control right there. I did the "finger breathing" i outlined in my "support" blog and group at www.onenessandequalityaslife.ning.com
and the qi gong and some fruits and raw and cooked vegies (mostly raw) and yoga stretches etc. I felt better then. The next day, i felt in control again, i did another round of the self-deception list, i felt a little bit movement in my stomach like morning sickness. I did the "finger breathing" again then felt better.
That evening i did the hard breathing again lying down. I did 58 minutes with some thoughts coming in but sort of just entering the door then leaving. So, i declared myself having done the 45 minutes then, with closed eyes.
When i was lying down and doing the hard breathing, i felt i am more in control of me, the breath. Rather than just in the void feeling the infinite space surrounding me and the freedom, i felt like me as the breath, like air having arms and feet, able to move it through space like swimming in space as air. Then, i have the experience of me as a sound with small orange lights flickering with the sound of oneness and equality with all life. I don't want to get out of that state. There was just me as all
as oneness and equality.
In my meditation before, as i let go, i became non-existent and i can just feel
the pulse of creation as me as if i am the one opening the rose and that life essence has got a flow of its own which i just flow with. In this experience i had
with this process, I am there, so aware of me as oneness and equality with all life.
It is more dynamic, something i can participate in.
WoW!!!
I told my partner (he just did a little bit of what i told him to say as i know his issues
for his self-forgiveness for a start), so i said we will do a 1 hour breathing with no thought. He was trying to wake me up after about 50 minutes, he was thinking i already had gone somewhere or so he thought, but i continued because it was so
fascinating.
My next project is to do the self-forgiveness from Veno so many times (i read B, who of course is going back and forth the dimensions said in the forum he used to do so many of those list a day). There are issues i got to deal with there i know, but i am anger right now. No one is getting in my way! or else...hell will break loose, like you know Rambo! Yes!
This is my directive:
I am that pure life essence and i am as i am.
Enjoy.
June
www.onenessandequalityaslife.ning.com
The next day i was woke up sort of hallucinating about what i experienced the day
before. My mind sort of flipped with the fact that i have 2 beingnesses, one as me as the breath with a body and another one as me as the breath. It can't quite sit on that because it's so used to just being the program. I felt my mind is giving up on me. I was initially scared, scared shitless, because of the fact that i cannot continue my search for infinity if this happen. This is the reason why i posted a blog on "Support" so i can share how i support me as you. I just stayed in bed until 12 noon disoriented.
I was able to muster some strength to get up at about a little past 12 noon.
I went to the bathroom and sat there, still disoriented. There was a stage like this also when i was meditating. We call it "spaced out". I remembered i used
to ground myself then with the daily discipline like taking a shower, yoga exercices,
etc.
So, i took a shower, then i became anger. I told my mind, like a directive, you know, "There is no bloody way you are going to take over my life. I won't let you. No way! I
am the life essence in this body and i do as i please!" I applied self-forgiveness at this point on allowing and accepting to feel like this. I then said " I delete and release all thoughts, feelings and emotions associated with this and its refractions in my dna and all thoughts not aligned to me as all as one ..I am in control here, that is not going to happen again because i will not let it happen" . This is the showdown. I then took control right there. I did the "finger breathing" i outlined in my "support" blog and group at www.onenessandequalityaslife.ning.com
and the qi gong and some fruits and raw and cooked vegies (mostly raw) and yoga stretches etc. I felt better then. The next day, i felt in control again, i did another round of the self-deception list, i felt a little bit movement in my stomach like morning sickness. I did the "finger breathing" again then felt better.
That evening i did the hard breathing again lying down. I did 58 minutes with some thoughts coming in but sort of just entering the door then leaving. So, i declared myself having done the 45 minutes then, with closed eyes.
When i was lying down and doing the hard breathing, i felt i am more in control of me, the breath. Rather than just in the void feeling the infinite space surrounding me and the freedom, i felt like me as the breath, like air having arms and feet, able to move it through space like swimming in space as air. Then, i have the experience of me as a sound with small orange lights flickering with the sound of oneness and equality with all life. I don't want to get out of that state. There was just me as all
as oneness and equality.
In my meditation before, as i let go, i became non-existent and i can just feel
the pulse of creation as me as if i am the one opening the rose and that life essence has got a flow of its own which i just flow with. In this experience i had
with this process, I am there, so aware of me as oneness and equality with all life.
It is more dynamic, something i can participate in.
WoW!!!
I told my partner (he just did a little bit of what i told him to say as i know his issues
for his self-forgiveness for a start), so i said we will do a 1 hour breathing with no thought. He was trying to wake me up after about 50 minutes, he was thinking i already had gone somewhere or so he thought, but i continued because it was so
fascinating.
My next project is to do the self-forgiveness from Veno so many times (i read B, who of course is going back and forth the dimensions said in the forum he used to do so many of those list a day). There are issues i got to deal with there i know, but i am anger right now. No one is getting in my way! or else...hell will break loose, like you know Rambo! Yes!
This is my directive:
I am that pure life essence and i am as i am.
Enjoy.
June
www.onenessandequalityaslife.ning.com
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Sunette on -
June, some pointers to assist:
Quote:
'My mind sort of flipped with the fact that i have 2 beingnesses, one as me as the breath with a body and another one as me as the breath.'
June, to assist: Be aware not to manifest separation within you, with regards to the two ‘beingnesses’ in you – realise that I am here in breath as breath and that is it – in the process of stopping the mind so that I here as who I am in breath as breath may step forth in expression as who I really am.
Quote:
'I was initially scared, scared shitless, because of the fact that i cannot continue my search for infinity if this happen.'
Also, realise that ‘infinity’ is not a search, you are not a search – to ‘search / searching’ is the mind – realise: I am here in breath – infinity as me is here.
Quote:
'I was able to muster some strength to get up at about a little past 12 noon.
I went to the bathroom and sat there, still disoriented. There was a stage like this also when i was meditating. We call it "spaced out". I remembered i used
to ground myself then with the daily discipline like taking a shower, yoga exercices,
etc.'
June, the ‘spaced out’ experience = also mind, taking he mind from one extreme to the other extreme – it is to be aware here as breath in every moment as you participate in your day – stable, constant and consistent here as you – whenever you experience anything ‘more than’ what is here as you in breath = it is mind.
Quote:
'When i was lying down and doing the hard breathing, i felt i am more in control of me, the breath. Rather than just in the void feeling the infinite space surrounding me and the freedom, i felt like me as the breath, like air having arms and feet, able to move it through space like swimming in space as air. Then, i have the experience of me as a sound with small orange lights flickering with the sound of oneness and equality with all life. I don't want to get out of that state. There was just me as all as oneness and equality.'
June, whenever you see colour – it is the mind.
Life is not of sound of this world which you ‘hear’ with your ‘ears’ – Life is sound, though not sound as what you’re able to hear of this world – there is no ‘hearing sound’ as sound is heard of this world = so, whenever you hear a sound = it is the mind.
So, whenever you hear a sound or have a ‘more than’ experience than just being here as breath in breath - simplicity, constant and consistent and stable – stop immediately, because the mind has the ability to ‘create an experience of what oneness and equality could be like’.
Therefore – it is to with in breathing, as breath here – you are constant, consistent and stable in breath as breath – any other ‘more than experience’ = is the mind.
Realise that who I am as all of me is here in breath as breath as me in every moment of self presence.
Very effective self statement and standing up within the moment in literally in practical application saying: Till here no further - you experience in saying: Till here no further to the mind is an example of practical application.
Sunette
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Permalink Reply by june roca on -
I got a lot from that.
I just want to understand the phrase " I am the breath". If i am the breath i should know "the breath", because that
is me. Being "the breath" is abstract to me because i don't know much about the breath. I rarely felt i was breathing before. In this process, i am just the breath, it is completely opposite my beingness before, so i want to know me, the breath.
You see, i discovered there are more to the breath than just breathing in , pause and breathing out. There is the one breathing, the air, the one watching the one breathing, the sound of air going in and out of the lungs and the one directing the breath.
When you say "i am as all of me is here in breath as breath as me in every moment of self-presence"
, the "all of me", who is "me" there?
Is it the one watching everything going on or is "the breath" all of those (the air, watcher, soud of breath etc.)?
When i am experiencing nausea, how would i assist or support myself to go on and support myself with that
statement? When i felt nausea then, I know it is "me" mind (as all of life), how will the breath as "me" support
me in this instance? All i do is i return my attention back to my breathing, right?
At this point, that is a challenge because as the nausea comes in my awareness of my breath becomes
replaced by the nauseated feeling. In theory it is easy but to do that is actually the transcendence part in my experience because at that point , when i come to know that that is the mind being nauseated, as my body is overwhelmed
by the nausea, i bacome aware of what is going on. After being aware, i do the corrective application which is self-forgiveness and breath awareness plus a directive.
I like what you said "I am here and i am not giving up on me".
June "as me as you as all"
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